Monogamy vs. Nonmonogamy

Monogamy is when a person has only one lover at a time—an exclusive relationship.  Nonmonogamy—multiple lovers—can be practiced by couples in “open relationships” (nonexclusive) or by single persons.  Similar to nonmonogamy are polygamy (multiple wives) and polyandry (multiple husbands). 

In the GLBT community there is no easy answer to the question of monogamy vs. nonmonogamy.  Some claim monogamy alone is ethical, while others counter-charge that the monogamists have a tragic case of internalized homophobia (i.e., they’re aping heterosexual norms like that of marriage in order to feel “normal”).  Unfortunately, even GLBT friendly churches have had little to add to this discussion beyond a few vaguely worded statements crafted at denominational meetings. 

As for the Apostle Paul, the key ethical consideration in the monogamy debate would likely be his deep concern that no person’s conscience be violated by another person’s moral freedom.  As Paul told some early Christians, “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak” (1 Corinthians 8:9, NIV).  It’s not that the morally squeamish get to call all of the shots, but neither will I flaunt my freedom to another’s destruction.

In this regard, Paul says: “‘Everything is permissible’—but not everything is beneficial.  ‘Everything is permissible’—but not everything is constructive.  Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:23-24, NIV).  We really are free if we’re truly seeking to journey with the Spirit—but be forewarned that much in life is neither beneficial, nor constructive.

My prayer for each of us is that we’ll learn to trust God and dive into life—I think God really appreciates people who aren’t afraid to make a mistake.  Jesus’ parables often had this same basic theme, calling people to honor God by daring to make something beautiful out of the life they were given.  The truth is that respectful, loving relationships come in all shapes and sizes.  Some are monogamous, others are not.  My bias is that monogamous relationships would tend to be healthier, for I believe two lovers can become one much more readily in an intimacy that isn’t shared with anyone else.  But it’s not my opinion that really matters here: know thyself!